turn your faces, with fine eyed places.

So, I haven't had this many thoughts in a really long time. For the past two weeks I have had time to do nothing but relax, get over a never ending cold and be with those I truly love and adore. I feel like I have had numerous experiences this break where I have just sat and been in complete awe of all the Lord is doing and teaching me.

A few of my many thoughts this past break:

- I am going to Gulu, Uganda Africa in about four months. Can I just say how much of a peace I feel about this? I am going with the most wonderful, trusted people with a vision of love and hope for this community. It excites me to think of how much the Lord will be using us. I am so thrilled and anxious to be serving others thousands of miles away, BUT how am I serving in Riverside? I have lived here my entire life, therefore I should have a huge advantage of "knowing" the city. Seeing the hurt and heartache, knowing the suffering that goes on just miles away from my house. HOW can I be serving them? HOW can I be loving my neighbors? I have been so bothered by the fact that I am doing nothing with this. Whether it is Africa or Central Ave I want to be loving others by serving.

- Imperfection. Now to all who truly know me, I am a perfectionist. There are often times I wish I could do everything right, never make mistakes, just plain and simple be perfect. I laugh at this because of just how imperfect i am. But, I can finally say it: I LOVE imperfection!!! How refreshing is it when someone isn't perfect and is broken to the state of humbleness. It reminds me that the Lord is the only perfect one, and if we were perfect we wouldn't need him. In the past few days I have smiled at everyones flaws and the pure fact that the Lord has given us all of them. Although yes, I will continue to try to refine them, I will embrace all of my imperfections.

- I am a girl. Yes, Yes it is true. So with that being said, we all have insecurities. Every girl wants to be called some sort of beautiful. This past weekend, Jessy Worster and I went on a road trip to Northern California. Because it takes almost seven hours to get there we had plenty of time to talk, which we both happen to be extremely good at. But, in our best friendship of five years she said something that will always stick out to me.
Picture this: A couple is walking down the street . . . they see him, he is extremely handsome and then they see her- not as striking. Some wonder why he is with her? But then they get to know her, they see her heart, her passion and dedication to the Lord, her realness and want to help others. She becomes the most beautiful women they have ever seen.

When Jessy said this to me I froze (which probably wasn't the wisest idea when driving down the grapevine) but this is someone Jessy and I both desire to be. We want to be beautiful because THE LORD makes us this way. I keep thinking to myself just how much beauty does fade, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Thank You Proverb 31!)


I know. I feel like these are so many of my thoughts all thrown out here, but the Lord has been constantly at work each day showing me something new, both good and bad. I feel ever so blessed though and I am thinking 2010 will be a beautiful year.
:)

Thoughts through photos.

So here I am in my room the first day of winter break. First off, can I just say time flies? I feel like I just found out Brooke was my roommate, orientation had started and I scored my first strike in bowling.

Anyhow, I was cleaning out my room today due to the absurd amounts of things I have trouble throwing away and I came across photos. LOTS AND LOTS of photos. All through out Junior high and High school. I literally sat on my carpet in laughter and a tear of all the memories. As I am looking over all my pictures I am in awe how how much the Lord has been doing. In almost all of these photos and memories I recall thinking at that moment, constantly asking the Lord "Why" or "How come?". Always in want for more . . more answers, more compliments, more love, more, more more. Why more? Why can't we all just be content in the situation? (yes I tend to ramble, I apologize). But then this makes me think about the Lord's timing! And this is 100% true. I am so thankful I went through a time of choosing cheer or church. Of feeling alone or hurt. A time just with my parents. Because if I had not experienced those I would not know how to love as much now.

When I think of change though, this past year runs through my mind. I feel like I am at a place in my life where I could never imagine being apart from the Lord. I have maaaany struggles, frustrations and trust problems but the Lord is sovereign and I have seen him work more in my life in the past year than ever before. This is scares me of how much more I will be broken, learning but also blessed in merely months to come. I am ever so thankful for timing and not knowing though. I have no idea where the Lord will lead me or teach but I do know this: I AM HIS. and this is all I need to know now.

"You made a way when you said it is time."
goodnight.

Humility.

You know when you are talking to someone and you can see how highly they see themselves? They come off like they are the absolute best at whatever they are doing, and you think to yourself "Wow that person is extremely boastful." I know this is what I think of when the word pride comes to mind. Lately though I have come to grips with one I am struggling with . . .

It's not at all "Ohh I am so high and mighty- look at me go!" but more of a "Well what about ME!??"
I suppose I struggle with a It's all about me mentality. How fast I can get something, why am I not being served or looked upon. And although, no i am not struggling with thinking I am thee absolute best or highest, I struggle with a sense of pride. Being a follower of Christ we are to serve other people with no want or expectation of anything in return. Of course, this is an extremely hard concept to reach or even think about because we as humans want and hope for a lot. But what would happen with we threw that out the window? Let go, and didn't expect anything in return. This would be so unreal and crazy!!!

So, now that I am thinking of yet another thing I must work upon (although it in a process:) ) I just think of how much I NEED to be humbled. How I need to come to grips with the fact that it is NOT about me, but the Lord. and then once I find this I feel as though my mentality wont always be on my needs and wants, and the world helping me out but the Lord. So this is my prayer!


Yet another thought to another day. goodnight!

My words.

So lately I feel like the Lord has really been showing me my words need to be "True, Honest and Necessary." I literally spend two whole days figuring out what this even meant. For myself. True: What is right and what is wrong. The truth. Honest: Never lying to hide something, or "getting myself out of a situation." To simply be honest but with right motives, doing it with the right intentions and love towards others. Necessary: Sarcasm, and rudeness can so much be taken out of context and can be hurtful. I need all my words to come with some sort of meaning and hopefully never with cruel intent.

Now someone for me who tends to talk a lot, this has been an extremely difficult thing for me to fully comprehend. I have always wanted my words to be "True, Honest and Necessary" but I've never TRULY made a real effort into doing so. In the past week all three of these phrases have been placed in my life big time. It has really forced me to look only to the lord and to truly do all three of these. Why is it so hard for everyone though? I feel like we're always trying to make everything so exciting, or more interesting. But how wonderful would it be if everything was just out there- flat on the table. Sure, it would hurt some but I know for myself I would so much rather be given it all and figure out from there on.

Although this may be short and simple, this is really something I hope to obtain this year. or this next year that is. Whatever the circumstances or situation I am now trying to do this. each day, which is a process but I am starting it. :)


good day!

Being Thankful?

I feel like in a way it takes a special holiday for us all to share what we're thankful for. Seriously. and this bothers me. Why can't we all be encouraging, uplifting and thankful all year long?
My new goal: When I see something I am thankful for I will try to praise the Lord that very instant!

When it comes to being thankful, I have so much to be thankful for. . . I know I am cliche. but it's ever so true.

- The first thing I think of is my family. My sister and brother-in-law are in town from Alabama this week. We had a family dinner on Sunday, by the end of the conversation not only did my family of seven all cry but pray for one another. How unique is this? We all shared our struggles, frustrations and joys of the past six months and then loved each other. It was so pure and beautiful. So comforting. So from God.

- I have a group of six best friends, all growing up together. We have seen each other through everything, both bad and good. & non of us are alike in all aspects. All different. Different backgrounds, looks, passions, interests, dance moves:) but the one thing that remains is our love for Christ. We all desire to be women of God and because of this we can be accountable to one another and simply be there. I can't fully explain the amount of thankfulness I have for these women, there is no one like you six and for this all I want to do is love you more and more.

- I am so thankful for my church. The Grove has provided me with almost nineteen years of love. I have learned who I am there. I have learned how to have a faith not based on my parents, pastors or people but solely with Christ. And not only have I worked in so many different areas, but I have seen the LORD work in so many different areas. I am so blessed to be apart of something so real.

- CBU. Simply put, college has been the most amazing blessing to me. I love going to class and praying before. I love being surrounded by people who want to learn, who want to serve and have meaningful conversations. The friendships I have already formed are beautiful. I feel such a peace with going there. And, It is so exciting to be going to school for something I am passionate about! Everything about the future leaves me in awe. it's so endless, so lovely, so exciting!


So today, I am cliche in saying "I'm so thankful!" but really. I am, and I can't be ashamed of this. :)


"Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations. Before the mountains were born, or you brought forth the earth and the world. From everlasting to everlasting you are God." psalm 91:1-2.
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Blessings!

I wish we could all just understand.

Growing up as a kid how did you picture what your life was going to turn out like? A hardworking husband a nice picket fence, four kids and a mini van? Because we all know that the typical American family is suppose to be loving warm and encouraging, right? In many cases this is what we picture our lives to be, or more hope. On dictionary.com the definition for American dream is, “ A life of personal happiness and material comfort.” What exactly is true happiness though and how can we constantly be content there?

When thinking about the “American Dream” I can’t help but laugh. In all reality, happiness is short term and short lived. We are happy in the morning because we got an A on our Anatomy exam, but by evening we are crying because one of our friends isn’t talking to us. Circumstances happen, and people’s emotions are quickly changed. So how exactly is every American living there dream? In reality there probably isn’t one American living their ultimate dream. And in trying to go to material comfort for more happiness we are simply saying goodbye to our hard earned dollars for an emptiness that isn’t getting us anywhere. We are at a constant struggle in trying to find happiness, but in reality I believe our country is some of the most lost people. We all need a huge reality check into what this world is truly about and why we were actually made.

well,

today has been odd. i don't enjoy days like this. i'm even wearing blue nail polish.

I love phone dates with my jessy. she makes me feel so much better. and i am so happy for her. : ) she deserves thee absolute best.

I leave with the hope that my day gets better. bah

These past few days,

How in the world is it November? Seriously. Labor day has passed. Halloween is gone for another 363 days. & Thanksgiving is coming up. I feel like time passes way too quickly. it kind of scares me. It's like so much needs to be done, achieved, read, people to reach and then two months pass & I start to see "santa's comin' to town signs". Which is something I have been struggling with lately. I think way too far into the future. I plan, I analyze, I wonder and then ruin everything "now". I then have to look at what the Lord is placing in my life right now. The people, new friends, my junior high girls. So much to be looked at. and this is overwhelming to me. Why should I be though? God has placed all of these things into my life at the moment, and yes I can't say yes to everything nor please everyone.

Yesterday I wrote down over twenty things in my life that need serious prayer about. Yes, it is a tad overwhelming and all aren't crazy revival sorts but simply just people or thoughts of mine. I came to a conclusion that although the Lord doesn't answer all of these in my timing, pace or how I would like it he does it perfectly. Why do I so often forget this too? and then I fall on the floor and deep admiration thinking however could I second guess him. But I did come to a huge realization that I can never turn back. I am too in love with Christ. I see how glorious living for him is, yes extremely difficult at times or fun but so fulfilling! He has graced us with forgiveness and wants to be wanted more than anything. He wants to be called on and told that we love him.

So I pray this week can bring patience upon myself. Direct love to the Father and understanding that anything worth while takes time.

"I am your servant to bring you glory"

this is my prayer.

I have a headache.

It's funny to me thinking "who is even reading this?" but I find it entertaining so I will embrace it.

These past couple days I have been in thinking mode, which isn't unusual for me but sometimes I hate it. I think, think and think. So I tend to think too much. (hence the three thinks). I believe I should be thinking though. It makes me want to be better, try harder. but it also makes me frustrated. why must I overanalyze every bit of my life. I am learning it can't be perfect, orderly and wonderful all the time. - obviously, this is life. but sometimes I wish I could shut off my brain, thoughts, even talking and just BE. Maybe I will try this soon? A new social experiment perhaps? I have been wanting to do a few of others lately.

My thoughts right now:

I love junior highers'. I am co-leading a girls small group and it is without a doubt one of the greatest things. They are my life. They make me want to try to be better, love more and be more wise. We had broom hockey this weekend, and although my team got second, I wont be able to move for another week, I am still catching up on sleep I wouldn't take back my time with them ever. They are all so beautiful and lovely.

My second thought, my college group tonight talked about "Invisible Children". Not only was I almost in tears by the end but it truly affected me. It felt me speechless and all I wanted to do was hold all of those children. How can I help more? In what areas can I serve them. Sometimes I feel like I'm so helpless. But then again the power of prayer is remarkable. I just wish I could do more at times..

I am going to bed at 10:30 tonight. something I never have experienced at school. this will be good. off I go.

It's fall, and oh so lovely.

Why hello there,

So as I am sitting in the second floor of the library I am thinking to myself, "Allison why are you sitting by the window? You know how easily distracted at get." I am doing this one of three reasons. One: It is just too beautiful not to overlook the library fountain and pretend to throw pennies in for good luck. Two: I am quite envious of anyone who is outside, experiencing the sunlight on the faces right about now, and wish I was doing so too. Three: Anatomy and me are not friends right now.

I will leave you with the quick thought that I do not have A D D although it might appear I do. I promise you, do not be mistaken. I am off to actually check things off my to do list and although I wish I was anywhere but here . . . studying. I am determined to get this done. So I say hello to the bones and fibrocartilage, communications and my paper on cause and effect.

So I begin,

Me.