Unfailing love.

"I found a purpose, I found a freedom! I want to lead people into his freedom!"

- Rachel Diana Young.

Last Friday night one of my closest friends and I went on a lovely best friend date. Chick-fil-a, photos and Mary-Kate & Ashley films were included. The one thing we did the most though? We sat and talked for hours, upon hours about what the Lord has been teaching us. I love the fact that Rachel and I have known one another the majority of our lives. She knows me. I know her. We love God. We want to serve God with all that is within us. We fail.

I left our conversation feeling such a peace and yet an issue I have been struggling with for an extremely long time.

I FEAR. I fear a lot of things. I am often restrained by it.

- I have a fear of not pleasing everyone.

- I have a fear that everyone will not like me.

- I have a fear that if I present Christ to someone I will not know what to say, or be intelligent enough to answer there questions.

- I have a fear of driving. (Traffic school did not help me with that one!)

- I have a fear of failing.

but most of all?

- I have a fear I wont serve the Lord with all that is in me.

I FEAR. I WORRY.

WHY?

In all honesty, I think it goes back to my insecurity. Plain and simple, I never think I am good enough. I never think I am doing enough. I never think I am smart enough, or learning enough. I never think I am helping enough people. Thus leading me to add too much to my own plate, trying to please everyone around me therefore often failing the Lord. I begin to rest on my own strength rather than the Lord. I am humbled. I typically cry and ask "HOW on earth will I do this all?!" reality check.

- I cannot do it all.

- I cannot please everyone.

- Not everyone will like me.

- We all fail, where would Christ be if we didn't?

BUT MOST OF ALL?

We cannot do anything without the Lord. AT ALL!

I was reading Beth Moore's book last week about how the strong holds in our lives (ie: fear) is often from another issue in our lives. A past regret, control issue, built-up anger, insecurity. I believe that I truly desire a pure heart of trying to please all who are around me. I want everyone to see God's grace, forgiveness and love. But, after awhile it becomes Allison Jodie Ronveaux who is trying to save all. Not Jesus Christ.

I suppose I want to encourage with the thought that a majority of us have a stronghold in our lives. I love Romans 6, 7 and 8!

" For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want to do is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it but the sin that dwells within me. " Romans 7: 18-20

BUT!!!!!

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walked not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. " Romans 8:1-4

Yes, I may be constrained by fear at times. I get so frustrated when I can't "trust". When I just don't understand why I cannot help everyone. Why some people may not like me or why I am imperfect. I do understand though that the Lord has used the fall, our mistakes, sins and failure as a way for himself to be more glorified. THIS IS IT! It is all for him.

I have been going through Matthew the past couple weeks. I read in Matthew 9:21

"If only I were to touch his garment, I would be healed."

Jesus saw her faith and she was healed! By faith alone! I want to be this woman. I want her faith in the Lord. I want to know the Lords power and heart so much that I would be healed by faith alone.

On a side note:

I am currently in a summer school course right now and I had to choose a topic to write a fifteen page paper on. Our only requirement? We had to write something that deals with our major. ( My major is Psychology and my minor is Global Studies). I have such a passion to become a counselor!! I interviewed a woman yesterday. Observed her, asked her questions. I asked her "What do you believe is the role of a therapist?" and said:

"A counselor is a cheerleader, a fellow sojourner, tear collector, mother or father, friend, and honest response. A counselor is whatever the patient needs at the time"

This is what I desire. I want to be that for others. I pray from all that is within me I am able to do this one day!

I also know that last night we all got terrible news. Cal Baptist Cross Country team and Wendy Rice, CBU's cheer coach was in a terrible accident. Mrs. Rice sadly passed away. My roommate from last year Brooke, is on the cheer squad. I hurt for them. No one understands why grief and loss comes. I wish I was able to help all. The Lord alone sees our pain. I am praying for all those involved and how this will affect our school.

ONE WEEK until I go back to Cal Baptist. Apartment 37. Friendships. FOCUS. Prayer Chapel and learning experiences. I am blessed.

Here am I.

I MISS MY PARENTS.

My beautiful loving parents are currently on a well deserved vacation to Alaska with all of their best friends.They have been gone for nearly a week and I am so eager for their return! It's funny. My parents are not only "my parents" but two of my very best friends. I am so thankful I am there daughter. I am so thankful we are close. I am so thankful we go on hikes, breakfast at Panera, three musketeer dates to the movies. I MISS THEM!

On a side note my Myers-Briggs test says I am a ENFJ.

"ENFJs are people-focused individuals. They live in the world of people possibilities. More so than any other type, they have excellent people skills. They understand and care about people, and have a special talent for bringing out the best in others. ENFJ's main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this."

- Portrait of an ENFJ (The Personality Page)

Everything stated above in my personality traits are surrounded around people. YUP! I absolutely love people. Who would have guessed? These past couple weeks though have been an up and down cycle for me. In reality, I love people. I also love (& need!) my alone time. I have enjoyed having large amounts of both these past few weeks. I am starting to get stir crazy though. I find it ironic that I feel so lonely at times and yet the Creator of the Universe calls me to him each and everyday! He tells us all how loved, adored, WORTHY we are. He wants all of us. He wants us to be available. He wants our hearts. My main thought?

Why are we not giving it to our KING? The Alpha Omega!

Are we crazy?

I am currently reading "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore. (Okay, seriously. She is incredible!) I read over the section called BENEFITS AND OBSTACLES this afternoon. She gave five benefits and obstacles to our journey with the Lord.

Five Benefits:

1. To know God and believe Him

2. To glorify God

3. To find satisfaction in God

4. To experience God's peace

5. To enjoy God's presence

With that, Moore also provided five obstacles that may hinder us from doing so:

Five Obstacles:

1. Unbelief, which hinders knowing God

2. Pride, which prevents us from glorifying God

3. Idolatry, which keeps us from being satisfied with God

4. Prayerlessness, which blocks our experience of God's peace

5. Legalism, which stops our enjoyment of God's presence

I don't know about yourself, but I have struggled with all five. + five more than that. + twenty more than that. I know that God gives us the tools to get out. He provides his word as a tool for us to understand, have peace and help us along our journey in life.

I sit here thinking to myself

"Where in the world would I be without my Lord Jesus?"

I have absolutely no idea. It's a scary thought. It truly is.

also:

http://www.moodyministries.net/crp_SpecialStoryDetail.aspx?id=30116

John and Jenny Meeker came to speak at our college group last night. Their ministry in Croatia is absolutely amazing!

blessings.

What do I have if I don't have you Jesus?

God is so good.

God is so good, God is so good.

He's so good to me.

If you have eyes to see

or a little boy next to you

or if you have someone to call a friend

if you felt the warm sunlight in your face today

or saw the blue sky and laughed

you must know what it means to sing

'God is so good.'

if you know what it feels like to laugh with God,

to have fallen flat on your face

and have Him reach out and

say I still love you, take my hand;

to feel Him lift your guilt,

to ease your pain,

to have Him soothe your tired, worn, broken heart,

then you must understand how good He is

so sing with me,

God is so good.

Good is so good, God is so good.

He's so good to me.

i love Him so,

i love Him so, i love Him so.

He's so good to me.

- Ann Kiemel

I am blessed.
As summer is coming to an end, with only three weeks remaining, I start looking back at everything I was able to experience:
I have had the opportunity to look inside an African hut and pray over thirty six orphans who have a faith in God that makes 1 Timothy 4:12 come to life. I have been blessed enough to work at Cal Baptist each and everyday. Building relationships with many of my co-workers. I was able to spend quality time with my garden friend river rafting, and watching three family friends get baptized in the Curn river! I got to visit Amy and Chase (who are now having a baby girl!!!). I jumped from Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina and North Carolina in a two week period. It quickly became one of my favorite vacations. Traveling up to Ponderosa Pines to see my beautiful junior high girls became a night of understanding and love for these thirteen and fourteen year olds. Enjoying a craft night and Henna party, seeing how the power of prayer and a passion in my heart be answered. Going into the heat of California for a necessary road trip to see one of my future roommates. We laughed, I cried, new friendships were made. Mission Beach, San Diego and Salvation Mountain were seen! Swing dancing quickly becoming the newest rage at Coffee Depot Monday nights. Cal Baptist friends and I twirled and danced along to the music. A tradition being made. Seeing an old friend who has served the Lord all summer in the Middle East, learning of His faithfulness and beauty shown throughout all nations. Spending two hours at the local IHOP, asking for too many lemons with a twelve year old girl who amazes me with her devotion to the Lord more and more each time we get together.

If I can't sing 'God is so good' now, when will I ever be able to?

These happen to be some of the moments I have had this summer

where I say to myself,

'God is so good.'

. . . GOD IS GOOD!

He is so good to me.

At times I tend to do focus on all the negatives, rather than positives. I know for a fact that Satan is trying to distract us from fully serving the Lord. He is constantly telling us we don't have enough, we are not good enough, we are too sinful and not worthy of God's forgiveness. The newest challenge to myself is every time I feel negative about the situation, first and foremost I pray. But also, FIND a good in it. There are positives everywhere and constant reminders of God's love. It can simply be a beautiful sunny day out, an amazing conversation with a friend or worship time on the swings near your house.

"Let the heavens praise your wonders, O Lord, your faithfulness in the assembly of the holy ones! For who in the skies can be compared to the Lord? Who among the heavenly beings is like the Lord, a God greatly to be feared in the council of the holy ones, and awesome above all who are around him? O Lord God of hosts, who is mighty as you are, O Lord, with your faithfulness all around you?" Psalm 89: 5-7

I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me.

Definitions of Expectations:

• expectation - belief about (or mental picture of) the future
• expectation - anticipation: anticipating with confidence of fulfillment

I expect a lot. I expect a lot out of myself, others around me, ministries, the church, my family. Do you see how the definition of expectations and my own personal expectations could be a conflict with one another? I tend to place situations on an extremely high pedastool and when my expectations are not met, I get sad. Side note: I am typically never mad, very few occasions will I be angry with someone. I get sad though, my sensitive spirit comes upon me and tears will most likely attend. Lately, I have been in thought about how much this must affect other people. When I expect something, and in return don't receive it . . do I treat others with respect? In reality, these people are completely clueless that I was even "hoping" for something. My daydreams get the best of me, and reality doesn't settle in. Realistically, this is probably the best case for everyone too. I tend to try to control the situation, rather then allow the Lord to use me in his timing.

Almost three weeks ago I traveled to the South to visit some absolutely wonderful people I treasure.

For the few fours days I visited my beautiful sister Amy and Chase Kuhn.

A majority of my life I have seen them as the "perfect couple". I have looked up to them in almost very areas of their lives. Learning, growing, observing, loving, seeking Christ in every aspect of their lives. They want to glorify him in all they do. I have been able to see them do this specifically through there marriage. Admiring them from fifth grade-on, they have set an example for me in love and purity. Amy is now PREGNANT. I cannot explain the absolute joy and thankfulness I have that the Lord has provided them with a beautiful baby.

Traveling through the South I got to go see Kevin Douglas Naylor. I am very lucky to call him my wonderful boyfriend. When I think of my relationship with him I literally just think I am always with my best friend. I never imagined I would be blessed enough with a guy who truly loved the Lord more than anything, who fit my personality, quirky sense of humor and constant love for frozen yogurt. Know me, I of course went to the South with expectations. Knowing, yes, I would be overwhelmed with meeting tons of new people, exciting new sites and everywhere Kev has grown up almost frightened me. I left with all of my expectations blown out of the water. (which in reality does not typically happen.) I left liking him more and understanding him a lot more.

Going hiking was one of my favorite parts of the entire trip. I was able to meet some of Kevin's closest friends. Jonathan Cudney and Kristen Allen are two absolutely wonderful people. I felt so at ease with with their personalities. I felt blessed to have such an amazing conversation with Kristen. I love how friendships can be made anywhere, but it's the friendships within the Lord truly last. It's the body of Christ that we need! Friendships in the Lord: honesty, accountability, being prayerful, questions, having the other persons best interest in mind. I felt so blessed that although, yes I was the outsider I was loved by everyone around me. It made me feel very appreciative.

Here are a few of my highlights through some photos. :)

Photos are my friend, as you can see.

Ironically enough, I left feeling more in love with Christ being there. As I had previously stated we went up into the beautiful mountains overlooking parts of North Carolina. I sat on a very large rock looking out unto the waterfalls, massive amount of trees and the sound of birds singing. All I could do was think of Job 38.

"Can you lift up your voice to the clouds, that a flood of waters may cover you? Can you send forth lightnings, that they may go and say to you, 'Here we are'" Who has put wisdom in the inward parts or given understanding to the mind? Who can number the clouds by wisdom? Or can tilt the waterskins of the heavens, when the dust runs into a mass and the clods stick fast together?" job 38:34-38.

Do we not see it?? God has created everything. Absolutely everything. From Riverside, California to Charlotte, North Carolina all the way to Gulu, Uganda. He has created the clouds, rain drops, morning sunrise, mountains, pacific ocean. ME & YOU! As I sat on the beautiful boulder all I could do was sit in awe.

One of my favorite memories was when Kevin and I went to a lovely coffee shop called Amelie's. We sat there for a few hours and just read Genesis out loud to one another. After each chapter we wrote our questions, and then later discussed. It was literally everything I love: coffee, wonderful music, a soft spot for my bootay, reading the word and learning. With this I also learned something that will forever come in handy. HOW TO CORRECTLY READ THE BIBLE. <- funny statement? perhaps it is. But, although I have been to church my entire life I have never understood how to accurately read the Bible.

So I was taught. Here is how I will know be reading the word, along with much zeal because I finally understand it!!

- Read.

- Read AGAIN.

- Observe ( make as many observations as possible)

- Ask two questions:

1. What does this teach me about God?

2. How does this point to Christ?

- Make sure to read the entire context.

- Don't imply!

- When studying a verse, phrase, or word in the Bible, find another verse to back it up. In order that you may have more clarity in your understanding of it. 

After being taught this I just sat there. Seriously!!! It's not that I have taken the Bible for granted or always read it incorrectly, but there is so much more truth and understanding when you fully get both WHY we read the Bible and how to do so correctly!

Although I expect a lot and at times with the curse of this I get disappointed. I am learning to just expect that the Lord will reveal his way if I am close to him, serving him, striving to do his WILL in my life. If I expect God to do BIG things, I know he will. If I expect to always be 100% happy and satisfied, I wont be. I understand this. I also understand that I serve a God who loves us all. We are able to experience this if we simply look around. Look at the roses in the garden, the sunset I see to the right of me or simply an amazing friendship that is focused on the Lord. I not only know that God is good, but expect him to do GREAT THINGS.

Steadfast.

The week after I got back from my trip to Uganda, Africa we had a guest speaker at my church, The Grove. Dr. David Thompson. He grew up as a missionary kid in the Philippines, when college started he left his parents on the mission field and came back to America. One evening he received one of the worst phone calls any person could ever receive. His parents were both killed as martyrs. He told the story that he got unto the ground in complete despair and confusion. His parents had been serving the Lord on the mission field almost their entire lives and were killed in the area they most loved. In tears, Dr. Dave continued saying how there were only two options in his life to do that night: forget God, or trust God.

As I heard this message the two people I care most about were seated next to me. My mama and papa. We sat there in utter sadness. What if that was to happen to me? Why does God allow this to happen? But most of ALL, would I personally be able to trust God if a similar situation happened to me?

My entire life I have been fortunate enough to never loose someone extremely close to me. I have been fortunate to live in an area with clean water and educated doctors on hand. I have been fortunate enough to have a place to worship, lay my head down to sleep at night, and always a full belly. What about the rest of the world? Those who literally pray for there next meal to come, for rain to give there crops water to grow and people to bring bibles. Why have I been so blessed?

- - - Now typically I would think on these things for extremely long time, dwelling over the fact that I am ever so blessed and almost feeling guilty the Lord has given me so much. After a few moments of contemplating all of this, all I could do was praise God. Literally PRAISE HIM. Because I am so incredibly fortunate that I have been so blessed I just WANT to bless others. In all that I do. Whether that be getting to counselor others one day, serving in a different country or at The Grove needs are everywhere and constantly being revealed to me in very unique situations.

As Dr. Dave continued on his sermon, he asked us a very simple question.

“What are some of the most important treasures in your life?”

Now, imagine one day these people, these things, these situations were no longer there. Death occurred, a massive fire, you were fired . . . the list goes on and on. But simply stated, “Do you trust God?”

I then thought to myself: Do I trust God? Do I trust God with my relationship with Kev? Do I trust God with my money? Do I trust God with my future job and living location? Do I trust God to do bigger things in my life than I ever imagined? Do I trust God that he will place people in my life to encourage and be encouraged by?

DO I TRUST GOD?

Most days I would say yes, those are the days the sun is shining through the thick marshmallow like clouds and the grass is ever so green. But, would I trust God if destruction were to come upon the airport I am currently sitting in?

Trust is a funny word. I always think about that game I use to play at church when I was younger. Someone would go behind me; I would shut my eyes and fall into there arms. Total complete TRUST. If the person behind me had not earned my trust, or had been not been consistent, there is NO chance I would allow them to touch me- let alone, catch me. When I think about the times in my life when I was falling back, unto the unknown, feeling alone, overly dramatic, insecure and in envy the only ultimate person to catch me was God. He was steadfast, he was consistent, and he was love. I know you are thinking, “Wow, can Allison be anymore cliché?” Perhaps I am but in reality and in my heart I know that without a doubt this is true.

The other night I was in my room packing for my lovely trip to the south I am venturing on as I write. I was going through an old box of my journals. I found twelve since I was in seventh grade. Now, anyone who truly knows me knows I LOVE to journal. I wrote a list of things that make me Happiest the other day and Journaling to the Lord was Number 4. Everything about it is freeing to me. I can fully express myself, misspell, give my deepest prayers to the Lord and then four years later go back and see how silly I was and how if only I had just trusted the Lord with that, or understood why that was happening at the time.

On, December 26, 2007 I wrote:

I just don’t understand God. I have a boyfriend. I have best friends. I am trying, but I’m just not happy. Why can’t I give you all of me? What is holding me back? Why do I feel dissatisfied? What is missing?? . . .

As I reflect on this journal I wrote almost three years ago, I look to how distrusting I was. I said I was “living for God” BUT my main purpose in life was not to glorify God to the highest extent. It was not to proclaim his name across all names. My main purpose in life was to satisfy my needs, my wants, and my problems. Which brings me to the point that as believers we were not designed for God to make us 100% happy, or to fulfill our innermost desires. But rather to make his name above all else. This is our purpose, our will in life.

I have been praying over the issues in my life I haven’t been the most trusting over, which most likely leads to worry. I worry when I am not trusting, because well, I don’t believe it will happen. I doubt God. I doubt the King of the Universe, the one who created every nation, every tongue. If I am distrusting to the one who created the heavens and the earth, then whom in the world can I even trust?

Dr. David Thompson ended his message with the closing story to his parents death, the people they had been trying to lead to Christ for the past six years previous to there death saw how they died for God. And they in return accepted Christ into their lives as their personal savior. The night Dr. Dave placed all trust in God, lead him to a place of saying he not only believed God but now actually TRUSTED in God. And he never looked back.

He left us with a closing statement:

“We will not be able to do any of this until we learn to love God more than we love ourselves.”

From the South, Amen Bo!

My Redeemer Lives.

I have officially been home for three whole days now. Three days from a place I never expected, three days from a place that is the complete 180 degrees opposite from our everyday life. Uganda, Africa.

As I reflect on my past three weeks in an entirely different continent and life style I go to the five senses.

Uganda-

Smells like: Hardworking earned sweat, burning trash, rain after 4pm.

Looks like: National Geographic. Babies bare butts, women breast feeding everywhere, well built huts, white ants, greenery, trash burning, very expressionless people.

Tastes like: Rice, beans, potatoes, liver, top-up- Anything starch related goes. with mangos. lots of mangos!

Sounds like: Calls of desperation, My Redeemer lives, wailing, children begging for money or people shouting "Obama".

Feels like: mosquitos biting your skin, red ants attacking your behind, hands outstretched to touch you.

As I reflect back on the first day leaving CBU I was praying how I wish I could have been more prepared in my mindset, little did I know there was absolutely nothing that could have prepared me for all I witnessed, all I experienced, all of the strength and perseverance I was going to need . . .

Going into Gulu, Uganda the first thing we noticed was the amount of trash and huts there were. Everything you see on TV with children's enlarged bellies and sores galore is true. For three days I was in severe cultural shock to the fact that yes, people do live this way everyday.. in fact they don't even know a difference, this is life. As the trip continued a few days in, every one of us sat in disbelief that we came to serve, and yet we were being served. The fact that our skin color is different, gave us much attention. It was a very humbling experience for us to be looked at, called upon everywhere we went and to be served so well. In every situation we were served first, given soda, offerings and yells from anyone around us.

A few days into the trip we went into Northern Uganda, Nebbi.- Which is extremely close to the Congo. Going into the town we found out that there were 92 witch doctors living in this town. We were planning on walking around hut by hut sharing the gospel, showing the Jesus Film and playing with the children the following day. Little did I know, this place was going to change my life and outlook. Half of our team was split up into two groups. Joey and I were placed in a group of about 70+ children. We shared bible stories through a translator, after he asked if there was a bible to be given. Not knowing one was needed we said no, but at that moment, I knew what was to be done: give my own. It was a beautiful experience, because I KNEW this was my purpose at that exact moment. These people want to learn about Christ, they want to experience knowledge as well as zeal. It was God at work within me to give to them. I am at comfort to know that 200 people are now using my NIV study Bible because of the Lords timing and grace. It was so beautiful. I saw was in deep realization of how easily I take my own Bible for granted. Everyone around us out there wants to learn, be trained and have knowledge but Bibles are very scarce. They have to search to read, rather than us who are simply given and yet reject.

Throughout each day Galatians 5:6 and Psalm 73:26 rang through my head.

Galatians 5:6- " The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through faith"

Psalm 73:26- "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is my strength of my heart and my portion forever."

The fact that we cannot love expect through faith and that with faith we must love gives me such an understanding of how to carry out day to day life. Faith is Love. Love is Faith. But even greater than that, we cannot love or have strength unless it is by Gods power alone! I saw this first hand each day in Africa. My heart was failing. My flesh was failing. I saw some of the ugliest parts of me being revealed in simple tasks, and if it wasn't in the way I acted it was my hearts attitude. Whatever the case, God was showing me that we are imperfect, human, we struggle, we hurt but unless we are humbled to the point of true desperation we are cold.

A few other highlights for myself was when we went to the Disability School that worked with World Vision. We were able to meet children who were deaf, blind, mentally handicapped, broken limbs.. in other words the unseen. These children are misunderstood, typically the unloved "lepers" in the community. There was a sign outside of the school that said:

"Disability is NOT an inability."

I cannot describe how much of an impact this has on me. Whether you are blind, deaf, make mistakes, stutter like myself. It does not matter! We ALL have a disability, but through Christ, through his power, grace, love and our weakness we are able to use this as an ability. I cannot put into the words what all these beautiful broken children have taught me. I have a new respect for people in general, knowing we are all disabled. But through this, we have hope to use our weaknesses as a strength. We were able to go to a place called "House of Hope", The organization we were working for Favour of God, has 36 orphaned children living in this house until they are 18 years old. They are being raised as the spiritual leaders for the next generation. And let me tell you, they know more verses, more passages and a better understanding of prayer than I do. These nine and ten year olds blew my mind. Our last day with them they asked if they could pray over us. As nine of us got on the floor, humbled below them we had 36 beautiful hands of the Lord, four years old-up, praying for us. The amount of peace, respect and humility I had was explainable. These children know what it is to sacrifice, love, give.

As I reflect on my trip all in all and everything I learned I go to one simple quote Carol Vezey Oteka said:

"What is it worth to me to see more of Gods glory?"

I sit here and still ponder exactly what she said. I learned what it is to have true sacrifice. To be in the LRA (war in Africa - Invisible Children), in such desperation and grief but still praising our Lord who heals. To live off strictly rice and unclean water to survive, to go on a 40 day fast like it is nothing just so you wont miss out on more of what God could be teaching you. These people are radical. They live there life day to day, in prayer and petition. Not knowing what is next, not understanding why God says "no" at times but still in such dedication to living a life to proclaim his glory! I wish I could say we were able to move mountains and change peoples life, but they changed ours. and with this how can I not freely give, as I have freely recieved?

Returning home to America has been a tad difficult. It is hard to explain all I have experienced, or for others to understand. I get frustrated at everything our society tells us, and how unworthy we all feel by a simple Television show. This is not reality, this is not what life is about. I pray that I am able to remember every smell, sight and sickness I was able to see. To have the mindset that prayer is everything. All in all, God is at work in the Ugandan people we met. God is at work in the world, in men and women who strive to live for him. and with this.. How can we not praise him?

What has happened to all of your joy?

Four Days Left! F O U R D A Y S !
In just four days I will officially be down with my first year of college.

The first day going into CBU I truly had no idea what to expect. I did expect to make friends quickly, to be in some sort of club or flag football team, to be a Junior High leader at The Grove, try harder then I ever have in school and just "be different"

little did I know . . .

The first day going to CBU I cried. I was terrified, I was lonely, frustrated that I had not met anyone in the first month. By the end of each day in September I wondered if I was ever going to meet a solid friend who could encourage me in the way I needed. BUT my favorite part about the first three months of school was the fact that I truly had to depend on Christ, alone. I am so thankful for my Monday-Wednesday-Friday 9am open spot where I could go to the rose garden and lay my heart in front of the Lord. I was taken to a place of loneliness but was filled in the Spirit. I was given hope and joy. It is there that I started reading Proverbs each and everyday.
and I have never been so blessed.

Over the course of these past eight months I have learned more than I would have ever imagined. A few nights ago Bethany Tucker, Morgan Mentzer and myself went to the lovely 24hr Starbucks and just discussed. Each one of us in a different place in our lives but still so captivated by God. This past year has brought upon sad days, pure joy, laughter, tear fest's, temptations and sins we have made BUT we stopped and realized that through it all we have grown in Christ, striving to be more and more like him.

Here is a list of things I have learned these past eight months. Each one was a huge humbling experience or slap in the face, but I was and am being refined by The Lord through each and every one of them.

--- The biggest thing I have learned this year is how satan is in absolutely everything. He is trying to trap each one of us in all areas of life. He knows US. He knows our temptations, insecurities, frustrations and anger and because of this he is trying to pull us down telling us we are not good enough, our mistakes our too terrible and we have no self worth. BUT we must remember we have hope! The past few weeks a few friends of mine and myself have been reading "Romans 6, 7 and 8" Everything about these chapters are beautiful.

"For we know that our old self was crucified with him, so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin- because anyone who has died has been freed from sin" Romans 6:6

"You have been set free from sin and become slaves to righteousness." Romans 6: 18

AND WE HAVE HOPE!

"In the same way, the spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." Romans 8:26.

Seriously though, we can no longer be ashamed. If we have been saved by Christ we are washed clean, renewed and called into the Kingdom of God. He has died for all of US, sinners alike.

---How much of myself do I give people? - This has been a big question I have been asking myself lately. I tend to tell people a lot . . . I am extremely open but with that I tend to tell people too much. Now, don't get me wrong I will ALWAYS be open and honest, but who do I tell the most to? I definitely think there are things in your heart that you should only leave to God knowing. It's not as though you are hiding things from others, but the Lord deserves to know the innermost parts of your soul. Not your three b f f 's. I think this is also following with the concept that I am trying to have more:

"Quality rather than Quantity"

Because seriously, God has been so gracious blessing me with amazing friends. Although I may not have seen this the first few months of school I could not ask for better Sisters in Christ. But I cannot give myself to twenty girls, this is why I am trying to pour my life into a few. We can challenge one another by trusting, loving and being honest with each other without getting overwhelmed with the Quantity of everyone.

--- Jealousy. I am embarrassed to even write this one, but this is a real issue I have struggled with. I hate to even admit it because I should not covet someone else or something they possess. I must realized God has given me strengths and weaknesses, just the same as everyone else, but I cannot be envious of someone else. It is pity and consuming.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each one of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:3-4

^ This is so powerful! In everything we do we must put our love for Christ first and our love for others second.

There are a lot of other things I have learned- some not to shared with but only for the Lord, but most of all I have learned that the one thing we all desire most in life is Unfailing Love.

"What a man desires is unfailing love" Proverbs 19:22.

Plain and simple. This is it. And this is GOD! He is life, full satisfaction, UNFAILING LOVE. If we know this, if we say we are living by the Spirit how could we ever forget this?

I am praying for everything this summer may hold.

Uganda ( One week from Monday!!!!)

Junior High Activities (our new Jr Hi pastor!)

Working at Cal Baptist

Time with my parents and pouring myself into friendships

Missing my lovely friends at Cal Baptist and Kevin.

But through it all, I HAVE UNFAILING LOVE. and you know what? This is sufficient and something to be praised.