Beholding your beauty is all that I long for.

As I sit in my room I can hear a California-like Tsunami happening outside, and I have been cooped up in my bed the entire day thanks to getting the flu this morning. A few days ago, my roommate and I got cable for our dorm room. Now let me tell you a few years ago I may have cried with such a thought, but because I am so busy I have no time to watch it. But anyhow, because I was sick today and had nothing to do I decided to turn on the TV and see what was on.

The first channel I go to is "Teen Cribs" on MTV. I am watching a fifteen year old girl show these people around her house. Not only does she have the most outrageous house I have ever seen that includes a night club in her garage, three cars for just herself, an olympic sized pool but she also has a couple houses around the country. Now to those watching this show I'm sure they are in complete awe of all she has; full of jealousy and want. But I looked at this girl and felt bad for her. She has to grow up thinking money, riches, giant homes is what life is about. And when she no longer has any of this what WILL she have?

So, as the show continues I get annoyed and extremely bothered so I switch the stations and land on E! . Which for those who don't know is the Hollywood channel of the rich and famous. It was also my favorite TV station three years ago. Everything about the glitz and glam of the events these stars went to intrigued me. There dresses, beauty and just how "happy" they all seemed to look. After a great deal of events in my life I told myself I wouldn't watch that station again, or read magazines as I once had. But, today I was sick, nothing was on and truthfully I could care less of Whose Hot OR Not? So I decided to watch. They were broadcasting a movie premier and showing women wearing lots of beautiful dresses. While each one goes up they are evaluating how she looks. As I am watching these women, they are all extremely beautiful in her own sense and different way. But not one comment coming from the commentaries mouth was encouraging or even remotely sweet. Everything was "wrong" with her. She looked to heavy in it, she was wearing too much makeup, her jewelry didn't go well. and as I sat there and listened, thinking to myself how these women are most likely watching and hearing what they are saying about them. How on earth do they have ANY self esteem? They are constantly being torn down for not being good enough, but in reality what is "good enough"? What makes someone beautiful in there eyes? WHAT IS BEAUTIFUL?

So I decided to look up "Beauty" in my bible and 1 Timothy 2:9 came up.
"I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes. but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God"

I have come to the conclusion that I do not want to be any sort of beautiful the world wants. Obviously I do enjoy getting ready, wearing pretty dresses, being made up and affirming compliments but I would prefer my inner beauty to out shadow my outer beauty way more. I want my beauty to come from my inner being, the spirit of the Lord. I just keep thinking what lies in our heart will remain.




The Lord can bring us to a place of REAL-PURE beauty if we allow him to refine us.

Bless the Lord with all thats in me.

First week back at school has officially turned into the second week. Being back for about nine days has already brought me so much joy! Seeing everyone after a few weeks of being at home made me feel like when I got to go to Castle Park in Elementary school... it was familiar, yet new! and I have to say being back I have already grown deeper with many of my friendships.

I guess first I just want to say how thankful I have been lately. On Saturday morning, Morgan Metzner, Bethany Tucker and myself climbed up Mount Rubidoux. Before I continue I have to say I owe Mount Rubidoux a lot in my life time, so many memories, hikes and times have been spent climbing up there. But anyhow, this time was a tad different from some of the rest. Not only did we laugh more than I have in an extremely long time, but we were real. We shared who we are, where we have come from, how we can be praying for one another. It was something a lot of people aren't blessed to have in friendships. It felt so real and right, I know the Lord was present and blessing us right there and will continue to.


I am blessed. :)

On another note,
Over the past couple of months I have been looking over this verse in Song of Solomon.
" I am my lover's and my lover is mine" Song of Solomon 6:3

Now, when one typically would look at this verse and sees the word "lover" they would most likely think of someone you are dating, or in marriage. But when I saw this verse I saw something different. I saw the LORD as my lover, and me as his. I see how he needs to be the first and foremost in my life. I see how I am special to him. and in this, I know that he will bless me because I will be seeing his desires in my life, rather then the desires I have for myself. When I think about how he needs to be first and how often at times we are all so sinful and this doesn't happen, it makes me wonder how much we are hurting the Lord. He is jealous for us, he wants us to be his and he deserves this. It's almost like we are cheating on him in a way. We go to the computer for love, or we're in a lustful relationship for love, we get involved in friendships that aren't wise or we are simply "too busy" to give the Lord the time he deserves and wants from us. How does this make him feel? He created us to worship him, and we are doing the exact opposite and being hypocritical. I have been really pressed with the idea of the Lord being my first thought, which is something I will be struggling with for a very long time but I am aware that the Lord is my Lover, and I am trying to treat him like so.



good rain, good day.