- Rachel Diana Young.
Last Friday night one of my closest friends and I went on a lovely best friend date. Chick-fil-a, photos and Mary-Kate & Ashley films were included. The one thing we did the most though? We sat and talked for hours, upon hours about what the Lord has been teaching us. I love the fact that Rachel and I have known one another the majority of our lives. She knows me. I know her. We love God. We want to serve God with all that is within us. We fail.
I left our conversation feeling such a peace and yet an issue I have been struggling with for an extremely long time.
I FEAR. I fear a lot of things. I am often restrained by it.
- I have a fear of not pleasing everyone.
- I have a fear that everyone will not like me.
- I have a fear that if I present Christ to someone I will not know what to say, or be intelligent enough to answer there questions.
- I have a fear of driving. (Traffic school did not help me with that one!)
- I have a fear of failing.
but most of all?
- I have a fear I wont serve the Lord with all that is in me.
I FEAR. I WORRY.
WHY?
In all honesty, I think it goes back to my insecurity. Plain and simple, I never think I am good enough. I never think I am doing enough. I never think I am smart enough, or learning enough. I never think I am helping enough people. Thus leading me to add too much to my own plate, trying to please everyone around me therefore often failing the Lord. I begin to rest on my own strength rather than the Lord. I am humbled. I typically cry and ask "HOW on earth will I do this all?!" reality check.
- I cannot do it all.
- I cannot please everyone.
- Not everyone will like me.
- We all fail, where would Christ be if we didn't?
BUT MOST OF ALL?
We cannot do anything without the Lord. AT ALL!
I was reading Beth Moore's book last week about how the strong holds in our lives (ie: fear) is often from another issue in our lives. A past regret, control issue, built-up anger, insecurity. I believe that I truly desire a pure heart of trying to please all who are around me. I want everyone to see God's grace, forgiveness and love. But, after awhile it becomes Allison Jodie Ronveaux who is trying to save all. Not Jesus Christ.
I suppose I want to encourage with the thought that a majority of us have a stronghold in our lives. I love Romans 6, 7 and 8!
" For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want to do is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it but the sin that dwells within me. " Romans 7: 18-20
BUT!!!!!
"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walked not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. " Romans 8:1-4
Yes, I may be constrained by fear at times. I get so frustrated when I can't "trust". When I just don't understand why I cannot help everyone. Why some people may not like me or why I am imperfect. I do understand though that the Lord has used the fall, our mistakes, sins and failure as a way for himself to be more glorified. THIS IS IT! It is all for him.
I have been going through Matthew the past couple weeks. I read in Matthew 9:21
"If only I were to touch his garment, I would be healed."
Jesus saw her faith and she was healed! By faith alone! I want to be this woman. I want her faith in the Lord. I want to know the Lords power and heart so much that I would be healed by faith alone.
On a side note:
I am currently in a summer school course right now and I had to choose a topic to write a fifteen page paper on. Our only requirement? We had to write something that deals with our major. ( My major is Psychology and my minor is Global Studies). I have such a passion to become a counselor!! I interviewed a woman yesterday. Observed her, asked her questions. I asked her "What do you believe is the role of a therapist?" and said:
"A counselor is a cheerleader, a fellow sojourner, tear collector, mother or father, friend, and honest response. A counselor is whatever the patient needs at the time"
This is what I desire. I want to be that for others. I pray from all that is within me I am able to do this one day!
I also know that last night we all got terrible news. Cal Baptist Cross Country team and Wendy Rice, CBU's cheer coach was in a terrible accident. Mrs. Rice sadly passed away. My roommate from last year Brooke, is on the cheer squad. I hurt for them. No one understands why grief and loss comes. I wish I was able to help all. The Lord alone sees our pain. I am praying for all those involved and how this will affect our school.
ONE WEEK until I go back to Cal Baptist. Apartment 37. Friendships. FOCUS. Prayer Chapel and learning experiences. I am blessed.
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