My Redeemer Lives.

I have officially been home for three whole days now. Three days from a place I never expected, three days from a place that is the complete 180 degrees opposite from our everyday life. Uganda, Africa.

As I reflect on my past three weeks in an entirely different continent and life style I go to the five senses.

Uganda-

Smells like: Hardworking earned sweat, burning trash, rain after 4pm.

Looks like: National Geographic. Babies bare butts, women breast feeding everywhere, well built huts, white ants, greenery, trash burning, very expressionless people.

Tastes like: Rice, beans, potatoes, liver, top-up- Anything starch related goes. with mangos. lots of mangos!

Sounds like: Calls of desperation, My Redeemer lives, wailing, children begging for money or people shouting "Obama".

Feels like: mosquitos biting your skin, red ants attacking your behind, hands outstretched to touch you.

As I reflect back on the first day leaving CBU I was praying how I wish I could have been more prepared in my mindset, little did I know there was absolutely nothing that could have prepared me for all I witnessed, all I experienced, all of the strength and perseverance I was going to need . . .

Going into Gulu, Uganda the first thing we noticed was the amount of trash and huts there were. Everything you see on TV with children's enlarged bellies and sores galore is true. For three days I was in severe cultural shock to the fact that yes, people do live this way everyday.. in fact they don't even know a difference, this is life. As the trip continued a few days in, every one of us sat in disbelief that we came to serve, and yet we were being served. The fact that our skin color is different, gave us much attention. It was a very humbling experience for us to be looked at, called upon everywhere we went and to be served so well. In every situation we were served first, given soda, offerings and yells from anyone around us.

A few days into the trip we went into Northern Uganda, Nebbi.- Which is extremely close to the Congo. Going into the town we found out that there were 92 witch doctors living in this town. We were planning on walking around hut by hut sharing the gospel, showing the Jesus Film and playing with the children the following day. Little did I know, this place was going to change my life and outlook. Half of our team was split up into two groups. Joey and I were placed in a group of about 70+ children. We shared bible stories through a translator, after he asked if there was a bible to be given. Not knowing one was needed we said no, but at that moment, I knew what was to be done: give my own. It was a beautiful experience, because I KNEW this was my purpose at that exact moment. These people want to learn about Christ, they want to experience knowledge as well as zeal. It was God at work within me to give to them. I am at comfort to know that 200 people are now using my NIV study Bible because of the Lords timing and grace. It was so beautiful. I saw was in deep realization of how easily I take my own Bible for granted. Everyone around us out there wants to learn, be trained and have knowledge but Bibles are very scarce. They have to search to read, rather than us who are simply given and yet reject.

Throughout each day Galatians 5:6 and Psalm 73:26 rang through my head.

Galatians 5:6- " The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through faith"

Psalm 73:26- "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is my strength of my heart and my portion forever."

The fact that we cannot love expect through faith and that with faith we must love gives me such an understanding of how to carry out day to day life. Faith is Love. Love is Faith. But even greater than that, we cannot love or have strength unless it is by Gods power alone! I saw this first hand each day in Africa. My heart was failing. My flesh was failing. I saw some of the ugliest parts of me being revealed in simple tasks, and if it wasn't in the way I acted it was my hearts attitude. Whatever the case, God was showing me that we are imperfect, human, we struggle, we hurt but unless we are humbled to the point of true desperation we are cold.

A few other highlights for myself was when we went to the Disability School that worked with World Vision. We were able to meet children who were deaf, blind, mentally handicapped, broken limbs.. in other words the unseen. These children are misunderstood, typically the unloved "lepers" in the community. There was a sign outside of the school that said:

"Disability is NOT an inability."

I cannot describe how much of an impact this has on me. Whether you are blind, deaf, make mistakes, stutter like myself. It does not matter! We ALL have a disability, but through Christ, through his power, grace, love and our weakness we are able to use this as an ability. I cannot put into the words what all these beautiful broken children have taught me. I have a new respect for people in general, knowing we are all disabled. But through this, we have hope to use our weaknesses as a strength. We were able to go to a place called "House of Hope", The organization we were working for Favour of God, has 36 orphaned children living in this house until they are 18 years old. They are being raised as the spiritual leaders for the next generation. And let me tell you, they know more verses, more passages and a better understanding of prayer than I do. These nine and ten year olds blew my mind. Our last day with them they asked if they could pray over us. As nine of us got on the floor, humbled below them we had 36 beautiful hands of the Lord, four years old-up, praying for us. The amount of peace, respect and humility I had was explainable. These children know what it is to sacrifice, love, give.

As I reflect on my trip all in all and everything I learned I go to one simple quote Carol Vezey Oteka said:

"What is it worth to me to see more of Gods glory?"

I sit here and still ponder exactly what she said. I learned what it is to have true sacrifice. To be in the LRA (war in Africa - Invisible Children), in such desperation and grief but still praising our Lord who heals. To live off strictly rice and unclean water to survive, to go on a 40 day fast like it is nothing just so you wont miss out on more of what God could be teaching you. These people are radical. They live there life day to day, in prayer and petition. Not knowing what is next, not understanding why God says "no" at times but still in such dedication to living a life to proclaim his glory! I wish I could say we were able to move mountains and change peoples life, but they changed ours. and with this how can I not freely give, as I have freely recieved?

Returning home to America has been a tad difficult. It is hard to explain all I have experienced, or for others to understand. I get frustrated at everything our society tells us, and how unworthy we all feel by a simple Television show. This is not reality, this is not what life is about. I pray that I am able to remember every smell, sight and sickness I was able to see. To have the mindset that prayer is everything. All in all, God is at work in the Ugandan people we met. God is at work in the world, in men and women who strive to live for him. and with this.. How can we not praise him?

What has happened to all of your joy?

Four Days Left! F O U R D A Y S !
In just four days I will officially be down with my first year of college.

The first day going into CBU I truly had no idea what to expect. I did expect to make friends quickly, to be in some sort of club or flag football team, to be a Junior High leader at The Grove, try harder then I ever have in school and just "be different"

little did I know . . .

The first day going to CBU I cried. I was terrified, I was lonely, frustrated that I had not met anyone in the first month. By the end of each day in September I wondered if I was ever going to meet a solid friend who could encourage me in the way I needed. BUT my favorite part about the first three months of school was the fact that I truly had to depend on Christ, alone. I am so thankful for my Monday-Wednesday-Friday 9am open spot where I could go to the rose garden and lay my heart in front of the Lord. I was taken to a place of loneliness but was filled in the Spirit. I was given hope and joy. It is there that I started reading Proverbs each and everyday.
and I have never been so blessed.

Over the course of these past eight months I have learned more than I would have ever imagined. A few nights ago Bethany Tucker, Morgan Mentzer and myself went to the lovely 24hr Starbucks and just discussed. Each one of us in a different place in our lives but still so captivated by God. This past year has brought upon sad days, pure joy, laughter, tear fest's, temptations and sins we have made BUT we stopped and realized that through it all we have grown in Christ, striving to be more and more like him.

Here is a list of things I have learned these past eight months. Each one was a huge humbling experience or slap in the face, but I was and am being refined by The Lord through each and every one of them.

--- The biggest thing I have learned this year is how satan is in absolutely everything. He is trying to trap each one of us in all areas of life. He knows US. He knows our temptations, insecurities, frustrations and anger and because of this he is trying to pull us down telling us we are not good enough, our mistakes our too terrible and we have no self worth. BUT we must remember we have hope! The past few weeks a few friends of mine and myself have been reading "Romans 6, 7 and 8" Everything about these chapters are beautiful.

"For we know that our old self was crucified with him, so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin- because anyone who has died has been freed from sin" Romans 6:6

"You have been set free from sin and become slaves to righteousness." Romans 6: 18

AND WE HAVE HOPE!

"In the same way, the spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." Romans 8:26.

Seriously though, we can no longer be ashamed. If we have been saved by Christ we are washed clean, renewed and called into the Kingdom of God. He has died for all of US, sinners alike.

---How much of myself do I give people? - This has been a big question I have been asking myself lately. I tend to tell people a lot . . . I am extremely open but with that I tend to tell people too much. Now, don't get me wrong I will ALWAYS be open and honest, but who do I tell the most to? I definitely think there are things in your heart that you should only leave to God knowing. It's not as though you are hiding things from others, but the Lord deserves to know the innermost parts of your soul. Not your three b f f 's. I think this is also following with the concept that I am trying to have more:

"Quality rather than Quantity"

Because seriously, God has been so gracious blessing me with amazing friends. Although I may not have seen this the first few months of school I could not ask for better Sisters in Christ. But I cannot give myself to twenty girls, this is why I am trying to pour my life into a few. We can challenge one another by trusting, loving and being honest with each other without getting overwhelmed with the Quantity of everyone.

--- Jealousy. I am embarrassed to even write this one, but this is a real issue I have struggled with. I hate to even admit it because I should not covet someone else or something they possess. I must realized God has given me strengths and weaknesses, just the same as everyone else, but I cannot be envious of someone else. It is pity and consuming.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each one of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:3-4

^ This is so powerful! In everything we do we must put our love for Christ first and our love for others second.

There are a lot of other things I have learned- some not to shared with but only for the Lord, but most of all I have learned that the one thing we all desire most in life is Unfailing Love.

"What a man desires is unfailing love" Proverbs 19:22.

Plain and simple. This is it. And this is GOD! He is life, full satisfaction, UNFAILING LOVE. If we know this, if we say we are living by the Spirit how could we ever forget this?

I am praying for everything this summer may hold.

Uganda ( One week from Monday!!!!)

Junior High Activities (our new Jr Hi pastor!)

Working at Cal Baptist

Time with my parents and pouring myself into friendships

Missing my lovely friends at Cal Baptist and Kevin.

But through it all, I HAVE UNFAILING LOVE. and you know what? This is sufficient and something to be praised.

How long will you simple ones love your simple ways?

I currently have 23 days left of my Freshman year of college. Where has the time gone? How has fall, winter and now spring come so quickly? I feel like life really does go quicker the more you grow up. This both discourages and encourages me. Discourages me in the fact that I have so much to do each and everyday, having the time fly right past me not being able to do it all. Encourages me to try my ultimate best, in every situation because I wont have another just like it. I am also realizing no matter what, there is ALWAYS something to be learned.

These past two weeks I believe I have learned more than in the past two months. And I strongly believe this is because I have been available to the Lord. I have been trying this mindset of actually listening, and look what happens when you listen. YUP. You learn. Listening is a hard concept for me to obtain at times because I love to talk. I love to put my encouragement and insight in, but in times where I was simply still in front of the Lord, or completely silent while in a deep conversation with a lovely friend of mine, I have learned the most.

Yesterday the verse that kept running through my mind was:

"Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are here on earth, so let your words be few. As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words." Ecclesiastes 5:1-3.

^ Always such a constant reminder. Are my words TRUE. HONEST. NECESSARY? A majority of the time, no they are not. Gossip, unneeded words, exaggerating the truth to make it a tad more interesting, not being encouraging. How is this helpful? and how are we representing Christ when we are like this?

As I have been learning a lot about words, this is beginning to intermingle with the idea of pride. As a believer and living on a campus with a whole bunch of believers, I hope to believe we are being a constant reminder of the fellowship the Lord has provided us with. But are our spirits genuine and solely for THE LORD? I was hit hard on Sunday night at my college group, The Point. We went through Luke 18, talking about the pharisee and the tax collector. The pharisee had a prideful spirit because he was doing exactly what he "needed" to do. exactly what was expected of him, and even giving more. But what his heart like? Was he doing this for his personal gain or for the glory of Christ? The tax collector knew his faults though, humbled he went in front of the lord, repenting.

'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' "I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." Luke 18:13-14.


After reading this message and hearing the discussion I wrote down some questions in my journal:
A. What are my motives in doing my acts for the Lord?
B. Am I esteeming myself? Consumed by the thoughts of ME! ME! ME! ?
C. What would a heart change look like if my sole purpose was to live out passionately for Gods Glory, Not Allison Ronveaux's.
D. How do I get to a place that my needs, concerns and wants are below everyone else's and I am so humbled before the Lord I can't do anything else but praise his name?

After thinking about this for a few days and really praying over it, asking the Lord to show me my faults of pride, areas I struggle with, I was blessed enough to have a two hour encouragement discussion with four of my amazing friends in the middle of the grass, our hearts, ears and eyes were opened to everything the Lord is teaching us. This is what fellowship was designed for. As I was telling them all about the pride issue, and who are motives truly are for a friend of mine said something I will never ever forget.

"In The Bible, God was constantly helping others. Whether it be healing, feeding of thousands, encouragement, disclipline, Jesus dying on the cross, loving the unloveable or simply just caring. But in everything he did, in whomever he helped, he was doing it for his name sake. For himself to restore us as believers in order for us to glorify his name, love and power!"


HOW BIG IS THIS!!! We so often think because we have now accepted him into OUR hearts he is to do everything for us. Where as in reality, who created us and why were we even created? To glorify the Lord Jesus with every bit in us. To love from the inside out with the joy he has placed in us. We need to all understand this life, our strengths, our future is not for our name sake but rather Gods. I feel like I will be worshiping in a different way after hearing that.

"Submit yourself, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands you hands, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and joy to gloom. Humble yourself before the Lord and he will lift you up!" james 4:7-10.

Bring me to my knees, oh Lord.

These past two weeks have left me feeling more exhausted than refreshed, definitely in a challenging kind of way.
My thoughts:

- My papa was in charge of a National Recovery Conference at The Grove and I got to be the photographer. The whole week before I was blessed enough to help with organizing some of it. I was so impressed with the amount of speakers and passion these men and women had for the broken, the divorced, ones who have lost and are grieving. I left after the second day telling myself I have to both: work with broken, torn down people. and just PEOPLE in general. I can not describe how intrigued I am by people, all of our quirks and imperfections make me fall more and more in love with Christ because HE has created us this way. It truly is beautiful.

I got to go to a class called "Finding and Maintaining YOUR life balance". Balance, a holistic view on life is everything I have tried to be in the past year. In 2008 I wrote down a list of goals for myself to do. Everything from planting my own vegetable and rose garden (checked that baby off the list last summer!), to learning how to paint, riding a bike successfully and being more disciplined. Although I didn't get to check off all twenty one I had for myself, I learned that having balance in my life makes me feel good about myself. It adds a sense of stability, comfort and confidence in knowing how to do different things. The speaker gave us this sheet with everything WE would like to be balanced in. Everyone had different areas that they wanted to achieve in, but in the middle of it was "JESUS". WHY? because, Jesus needs to be the middle, the core of every single thing you are doing. When I was planting my zucchini and tomatoes I was doing it with zeal! My blue post-it notes often control a typical day of mine, but if I haven't had my quiet time for the day my day will go absolutely NO where.
^
So with all of my thoughts I had in this class you would think those next couple of days I would be completely holistic, a little circle of balance. but it was the exact opposite, I was almost rebelling against everything I was taught. Not only was I not discliplined but I wasn't giving the Lord any of my time. I ended up breaking down by Friday, feeling empty and frustrated in myself. I sat in the park for two hours, completely humbled and then I realized that the Lord was teaching me how DESPERATELY I need him!!! How I literally can not function, go through a day intentional, mindful or full of hope without my time given to him first.

"Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your good spirit lead me to level ground." Psalm 143:10

With this also being said, I realized how many distractions are being thrown at us. How we are so easily swayed to the left and to the right. If we take our eyes off the Lord for even a short time, we are bound to not fully be producing our fruits.

This past week I started my new job and I am pressed for time in everything I need to do. It's another thing I am trying to balance, and it leaves me feeling a tad distressed and exhausted. but then once again I am being reminded: Am I giving the Lord my first fruits? Am I listening to him and being still? In constant prayer, dedication and admiration of all he does???


I leave you with a passage I wrote in my journal yesterday morning:
"Am I living my purpose, oh Lord? How am I living for you when I'm not communicating with you fully?"

Rid me of myself, I belong to you.

In the past month I have been going over the verse
" Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for me will save it." Luke 9: 23.

What does it look like to take up our crosses? It has taken me an entire month to process things in my life I have to give up each and everyday. Each day I am realizing more and more of my selfish desires that I must give up but also be in prayer about, so I can live in such a way that is pleasing to Lord.

A few things that each day I am having to be knowledgeable about to try to rid my own desires:

-My words. <- truthful, encouraging, not full of gossip and distrust.
I had a frustration a couple weeks ago where I was extremely discouraged with the fact that we are all so full of sin and how easily we can get caught up in what everyone else is saying and I found this verse:

"He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed." proverbs 12:25.
^
Why does this verse mean so much to me? I want to be that encouragement to others! I want others to people restored after talking to me because of what the Lord is doing in my life. We all MUST be intentional in our words to other people, because whether we believe so or not we effect people.

-My flakeyness. Yup, I am flakey at times. I suppose my excuse is that I just get too busy, tired. but honestly I think I have just become lazy in a sense. How can I get to this place though when it is for the Lord and his kingdom?? I become stagnet when this happens too, and just content with being like this. and I am making promises to people that I will do something, and I am not keeping my word. I am embarrassed that I'm like this too, so I am truly trying to press on despite the lazyness I have and be intentional!

-My need for perfection. I often say to myself "If only I was perfect" and then I laugh that I even say that aloud. Seriously, perfection is unattainable so why do I strive to be perfect?? We wouldn't all so desperately be needing Christ if we were. So in order for me to understand I can never obtain this I have to guard my heart from areas I know I try to take control over and be prayerful in these areas. This will forever be a struggle in my life.

" If it were his intention and he withdrew his spirit and breath, all mankind would perish together and men would return to dust." Job 34: 14-15.
^
How on earth can I even pride myself over the fact that I want to be perfect? To have ultimate control is strictly from the Lord and I have to praise him for having so much dominance over everyone. HE IS PERFECT. I was deeply humbled when I read this.

I so often talk about random topics in each of my blogs, and I am sure you are all thinking how this has to do with Taking up Our Crosses each and everyday. But think about; we are all unique, different, struggling with different things and a variety of temptations. We can't all have the same burdens and frustrations to pick up each day. They are different for everyone. But we have one clear and main purpose, to be servants for Kingdom of God. To be striving to become more like him, his glory and his power.

Overall though, we must be intentional in everything we do. Our friendships, relationships, our ministries, prayer life, quiet times and maintaing balance in all of it (but keeping the Lord above all in every area of our lives). I know so much of the time I get overwhelmed but if we all just took a moment to be still and realize WHY we are living this life, I think we would understand a bit more clearly.

"My Mouth will speak in praise of the Lord, Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever. " Psalm 145: 21.

Beholding your beauty is all that I long for.

As I sit in my room I can hear a California-like Tsunami happening outside, and I have been cooped up in my bed the entire day thanks to getting the flu this morning. A few days ago, my roommate and I got cable for our dorm room. Now let me tell you a few years ago I may have cried with such a thought, but because I am so busy I have no time to watch it. But anyhow, because I was sick today and had nothing to do I decided to turn on the TV and see what was on.

The first channel I go to is "Teen Cribs" on MTV. I am watching a fifteen year old girl show these people around her house. Not only does she have the most outrageous house I have ever seen that includes a night club in her garage, three cars for just herself, an olympic sized pool but she also has a couple houses around the country. Now to those watching this show I'm sure they are in complete awe of all she has; full of jealousy and want. But I looked at this girl and felt bad for her. She has to grow up thinking money, riches, giant homes is what life is about. And when she no longer has any of this what WILL she have?

So, as the show continues I get annoyed and extremely bothered so I switch the stations and land on E! . Which for those who don't know is the Hollywood channel of the rich and famous. It was also my favorite TV station three years ago. Everything about the glitz and glam of the events these stars went to intrigued me. There dresses, beauty and just how "happy" they all seemed to look. After a great deal of events in my life I told myself I wouldn't watch that station again, or read magazines as I once had. But, today I was sick, nothing was on and truthfully I could care less of Whose Hot OR Not? So I decided to watch. They were broadcasting a movie premier and showing women wearing lots of beautiful dresses. While each one goes up they are evaluating how she looks. As I am watching these women, they are all extremely beautiful in her own sense and different way. But not one comment coming from the commentaries mouth was encouraging or even remotely sweet. Everything was "wrong" with her. She looked to heavy in it, she was wearing too much makeup, her jewelry didn't go well. and as I sat there and listened, thinking to myself how these women are most likely watching and hearing what they are saying about them. How on earth do they have ANY self esteem? They are constantly being torn down for not being good enough, but in reality what is "good enough"? What makes someone beautiful in there eyes? WHAT IS BEAUTIFUL?

So I decided to look up "Beauty" in my bible and 1 Timothy 2:9 came up.
"I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes. but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God"

I have come to the conclusion that I do not want to be any sort of beautiful the world wants. Obviously I do enjoy getting ready, wearing pretty dresses, being made up and affirming compliments but I would prefer my inner beauty to out shadow my outer beauty way more. I want my beauty to come from my inner being, the spirit of the Lord. I just keep thinking what lies in our heart will remain.




The Lord can bring us to a place of REAL-PURE beauty if we allow him to refine us.

Bless the Lord with all thats in me.

First week back at school has officially turned into the second week. Being back for about nine days has already brought me so much joy! Seeing everyone after a few weeks of being at home made me feel like when I got to go to Castle Park in Elementary school... it was familiar, yet new! and I have to say being back I have already grown deeper with many of my friendships.

I guess first I just want to say how thankful I have been lately. On Saturday morning, Morgan Metzner, Bethany Tucker and myself climbed up Mount Rubidoux. Before I continue I have to say I owe Mount Rubidoux a lot in my life time, so many memories, hikes and times have been spent climbing up there. But anyhow, this time was a tad different from some of the rest. Not only did we laugh more than I have in an extremely long time, but we were real. We shared who we are, where we have come from, how we can be praying for one another. It was something a lot of people aren't blessed to have in friendships. It felt so real and right, I know the Lord was present and blessing us right there and will continue to.


I am blessed. :)

On another note,
Over the past couple of months I have been looking over this verse in Song of Solomon.
" I am my lover's and my lover is mine" Song of Solomon 6:3

Now, when one typically would look at this verse and sees the word "lover" they would most likely think of someone you are dating, or in marriage. But when I saw this verse I saw something different. I saw the LORD as my lover, and me as his. I see how he needs to be the first and foremost in my life. I see how I am special to him. and in this, I know that he will bless me because I will be seeing his desires in my life, rather then the desires I have for myself. When I think about how he needs to be first and how often at times we are all so sinful and this doesn't happen, it makes me wonder how much we are hurting the Lord. He is jealous for us, he wants us to be his and he deserves this. It's almost like we are cheating on him in a way. We go to the computer for love, or we're in a lustful relationship for love, we get involved in friendships that aren't wise or we are simply "too busy" to give the Lord the time he deserves and wants from us. How does this make him feel? He created us to worship him, and we are doing the exact opposite and being hypocritical. I have been really pressed with the idea of the Lord being my first thought, which is something I will be struggling with for a very long time but I am aware that the Lord is my Lover, and I am trying to treat him like so.



good rain, good day.