So, I haven't had this many thoughts in a really long time. For the past two weeks I have had time to do nothing but relax, get over a never ending cold and be with those I truly love and adore. I feel like I have had numerous experiences this break where I have just sat and been in complete awe of all the Lord is doing and teaching me.
A few of my many thoughts this past break:
- I am going to Gulu, Uganda Africa in about four months. Can I just say how much of a peace I feel about this? I am going with the most wonderful, trusted people with a vision of love and hope for this community. It excites me to think of how much the Lord will be using us. I am so thrilled and anxious to be serving others thousands of miles away, BUT how am I serving in Riverside? I have lived here my entire life, therefore I should have a huge advantage of "knowing" the city. Seeing the hurt and heartache, knowing the suffering that goes on just miles away from my house. HOW can I be serving them? HOW can I be loving my neighbors? I have been so bothered by the fact that I am doing nothing with this. Whether it is Africa or Central Ave I want to be loving others by serving.
- Imperfection. Now to all who truly know me, I am a perfectionist. There are often times I wish I could do everything right, never make mistakes, just plain and simple be perfect. I laugh at this because of just how imperfect i am. But, I can finally say it: I LOVE imperfection!!! How refreshing is it when someone isn't perfect and is broken to the state of humbleness. It reminds me that the Lord is the only perfect one, and if we were perfect we wouldn't need him. In the past few days I have smiled at everyones flaws and the pure fact that the Lord has given us all of them. Although yes, I will continue to try to refine them, I will embrace all of my imperfections.
- I am a girl. Yes, Yes it is true. So with that being said, we all have insecurities. Every girl wants to be called some sort of beautiful. This past weekend, Jessy Worster and I went on a road trip to Northern California. Because it takes almost seven hours to get there we had plenty of time to talk, which we both happen to be extremely good at. But, in our best friendship of five years she said something that will always stick out to me.
Picture this: A couple is walking down the street . . . they see him, he is extremely handsome and then they see her- not as striking. Some wonder why he is with her? But then they get to know her, they see her heart, her passion and dedication to the Lord, her realness and want to help others. She becomes the most beautiful women they have ever seen.
When Jessy said this to me I froze (which probably wasn't the wisest idea when driving down the grapevine) but this is someone Jessy and I both desire to be. We want to be beautiful because THE LORD makes us this way. I keep thinking to myself just how much beauty does fade, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Thank You Proverb 31!)
I know. I feel like these are so many of my thoughts all thrown out here, but the Lord has been constantly at work each day showing me something new, both good and bad. I feel ever so blessed though and I am thinking 2010 will be a beautiful year.
:)
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Thoughts through photos.
So here I am in my room the first day of winter break. First off, can I just say time flies? I feel like I just found out Brooke was my roommate, orientation had started and I scored my first strike in bowling.
Anyhow, I was cleaning out my room today due to the absurd amounts of things I have trouble throwing away and I came across photos. LOTS AND LOTS of photos. All through out Junior high and High school. I literally sat on my carpet in laughter and a tear of all the memories. As I am looking over all my pictures I am in awe how how much the Lord has been doing. In almost all of these photos and memories I recall thinking at that moment, constantly asking the Lord "Why" or "How come?". Always in want for more . . more answers, more compliments, more love, more, more more. Why more? Why can't we all just be content in the situation? (yes I tend to ramble, I apologize). But then this makes me think about the Lord's timing! And this is 100% true. I am so thankful I went through a time of choosing cheer or church. Of feeling alone or hurt. A time just with my parents. Because if I had not experienced those I would not know how to love as much now.
When I think of change though, this past year runs through my mind. I feel like I am at a place in my life where I could never imagine being apart from the Lord. I have maaaany struggles, frustrations and trust problems but the Lord is sovereign and I have seen him work more in my life in the past year than ever before. This is scares me of how much more I will be broken, learning but also blessed in merely months to come. I am ever so thankful for timing and not knowing though. I have no idea where the Lord will lead me or teach but I do know this: I AM HIS. and this is all I need to know now.
"You made a way when you said it is time."
goodnight.
Anyhow, I was cleaning out my room today due to the absurd amounts of things I have trouble throwing away and I came across photos. LOTS AND LOTS of photos. All through out Junior high and High school. I literally sat on my carpet in laughter and a tear of all the memories. As I am looking over all my pictures I am in awe how how much the Lord has been doing. In almost all of these photos and memories I recall thinking at that moment, constantly asking the Lord "Why" or "How come?". Always in want for more . . more answers, more compliments, more love, more, more more. Why more? Why can't we all just be content in the situation? (yes I tend to ramble, I apologize). But then this makes me think about the Lord's timing! And this is 100% true. I am so thankful I went through a time of choosing cheer or church. Of feeling alone or hurt. A time just with my parents. Because if I had not experienced those I would not know how to love as much now.
When I think of change though, this past year runs through my mind. I feel like I am at a place in my life where I could never imagine being apart from the Lord. I have maaaany struggles, frustrations and trust problems but the Lord is sovereign and I have seen him work more in my life in the past year than ever before. This is scares me of how much more I will be broken, learning but also blessed in merely months to come. I am ever so thankful for timing and not knowing though. I have no idea where the Lord will lead me or teach but I do know this: I AM HIS. and this is all I need to know now.
"You made a way when you said it is time."
goodnight.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Humility.
You know when you are talking to someone and you can see how highly they see themselves? They come off like they are the absolute best at whatever they are doing, and you think to yourself "Wow that person is extremely boastful." I know this is what I think of when the word pride comes to mind. Lately though I have come to grips with one I am struggling with . . .
It's not at all "Ohh I am so high and mighty- look at me go!" but more of a "Well what about ME!??"
I suppose I struggle with a It's all about me mentality. How fast I can get something, why am I not being served or looked upon. And although, no i am not struggling with thinking I am thee absolute best or highest, I struggle with a sense of pride. Being a follower of Christ we are to serve other people with no want or expectation of anything in return. Of course, this is an extremely hard concept to reach or even think about because we as humans want and hope for a lot. But what would happen with we threw that out the window? Let go, and didn't expect anything in return. This would be so unreal and crazy!!!
So, now that I am thinking of yet another thing I must work upon (although it in a process:) ) I just think of how much I NEED to be humbled. How I need to come to grips with the fact that it is NOT about me, but the Lord. and then once I find this I feel as though my mentality wont always be on my needs and wants, and the world helping me out but the Lord. So this is my prayer!
Yet another thought to another day. goodnight!
It's not at all "Ohh I am so high and mighty- look at me go!" but more of a "Well what about ME!??"
I suppose I struggle with a It's all about me mentality. How fast I can get something, why am I not being served or looked upon. And although, no i am not struggling with thinking I am thee absolute best or highest, I struggle with a sense of pride. Being a follower of Christ we are to serve other people with no want or expectation of anything in return. Of course, this is an extremely hard concept to reach or even think about because we as humans want and hope for a lot. But what would happen with we threw that out the window? Let go, and didn't expect anything in return. This would be so unreal and crazy!!!
So, now that I am thinking of yet another thing I must work upon (although it in a process:) ) I just think of how much I NEED to be humbled. How I need to come to grips with the fact that it is NOT about me, but the Lord. and then once I find this I feel as though my mentality wont always be on my needs and wants, and the world helping me out but the Lord. So this is my prayer!
Yet another thought to another day. goodnight!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
My words.
So lately I feel like the Lord has really been showing me my words need to be "True, Honest and Necessary." I literally spend two whole days figuring out what this even meant. For myself. True: What is right and what is wrong. The truth. Honest: Never lying to hide something, or "getting myself out of a situation." To simply be honest but with right motives, doing it with the right intentions and love towards others. Necessary: Sarcasm, and rudeness can so much be taken out of context and can be hurtful. I need all my words to come with some sort of meaning and hopefully never with cruel intent.
Now someone for me who tends to talk a lot, this has been an extremely difficult thing for me to fully comprehend. I have always wanted my words to be "True, Honest and Necessary" but I've never TRULY made a real effort into doing so. In the past week all three of these phrases have been placed in my life big time. It has really forced me to look only to the lord and to truly do all three of these. Why is it so hard for everyone though? I feel like we're always trying to make everything so exciting, or more interesting. But how wonderful would it be if everything was just out there- flat on the table. Sure, it would hurt some but I know for myself I would so much rather be given it all and figure out from there on.
Although this may be short and simple, this is really something I hope to obtain this year. or this next year that is. Whatever the circumstances or situation I am now trying to do this. each day, which is a process but I am starting it. :)
good day!
Now someone for me who tends to talk a lot, this has been an extremely difficult thing for me to fully comprehend. I have always wanted my words to be "True, Honest and Necessary" but I've never TRULY made a real effort into doing so. In the past week all three of these phrases have been placed in my life big time. It has really forced me to look only to the lord and to truly do all three of these. Why is it so hard for everyone though? I feel like we're always trying to make everything so exciting, or more interesting. But how wonderful would it be if everything was just out there- flat on the table. Sure, it would hurt some but I know for myself I would so much rather be given it all and figure out from there on.
Although this may be short and simple, this is really something I hope to obtain this year. or this next year that is. Whatever the circumstances or situation I am now trying to do this. each day, which is a process but I am starting it. :)
good day!
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