I currently have 23 days left of my Freshman year of college. Where has the time gone? How has fall, winter and now spring come so quickly? I feel like life really does go quicker the more you grow up. This both discourages and encourages me. Discourages me in the fact that I have so much to do each and everyday, having the time fly right past me not being able to do it all. Encourages me to try my ultimate best, in every situation because I wont have another just like it. I am also realizing no matter what, there is ALWAYS something to be learned.
These past two weeks I believe I have learned more than in the past two months. And I strongly believe this is because I have been available to the Lord. I have been trying this mindset of actually listening, and look what happens when you listen. YUP. You learn. Listening is a hard concept for me to obtain at times because I love to talk. I love to put my encouragement and insight in, but in times where I was simply still in front of the Lord, or completely silent while in a deep conversation with a lovely friend of mine, I have learned the most.
Yesterday the verse that kept running through my mind was:
"Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are here on earth, so let your words be few. As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words." Ecclesiastes 5:1-3.
^ Always such a constant reminder. Are my words TRUE. HONEST. NECESSARY? A majority of the time, no they are not. Gossip, unneeded words, exaggerating the truth to make it a tad more interesting, not being encouraging. How is this helpful? and how are we representing Christ when we are like this?
As I have been learning a lot about words, this is beginning to intermingle with the idea of pride. As a believer and living on a campus with a whole bunch of believers, I hope to believe we are being a constant reminder of the fellowship the Lord has provided us with. But are our spirits genuine and solely for THE LORD? I was hit hard on Sunday night at my college group, The Point. We went through Luke 18, talking about the pharisee and the tax collector. The pharisee had a prideful spirit because he was doing exactly what he "needed" to do. exactly what was expected of him, and even giving more. But what his heart like? Was he doing this for his personal gain or for the glory of Christ? The tax collector knew his faults though, humbled he went in front of the lord, repenting.
'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' "I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." Luke 18:13-14.
After reading this message and hearing the discussion I wrote down some questions in my journal:
A. What are my motives in doing my acts for the Lord?
B. Am I esteeming myself? Consumed by the thoughts of ME! ME! ME! ?
C. What would a heart change look like if my sole purpose was to live out passionately for Gods Glory, Not Allison Ronveaux's.
D. How do I get to a place that my needs, concerns and wants are below everyone else's and I am so humbled before the Lord I can't do anything else but praise his name?
After thinking about this for a few days and really praying over it, asking the Lord to show me my faults of pride, areas I struggle with, I was blessed enough to have a two hour encouragement discussion with four of my amazing friends in the middle of the grass, our hearts, ears and eyes were opened to everything the Lord is teaching us. This is what fellowship was designed for. As I was telling them all about the pride issue, and who are motives truly are for a friend of mine said something I will never ever forget.
"In The Bible, God was constantly helping others. Whether it be healing, feeding of thousands, encouragement, disclipline, Jesus dying on the cross, loving the unloveable or simply just caring. But in everything he did, in whomever he helped, he was doing it for his name sake. For himself to restore us as believers in order for us to glorify his name, love and power!"
HOW BIG IS THIS!!! We so often think because we have now accepted him into OUR hearts he is to do everything for us. Where as in reality, who created us and why were we even created? To glorify the Lord Jesus with every bit in us. To love from the inside out with the joy he has placed in us. We need to all understand this life, our strengths, our future is not for our name sake but rather Gods. I feel like I will be worshiping in a different way after hearing that.
"Submit yourself, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands you hands, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and joy to gloom. Humble yourself before the Lord and he will lift you up!" james 4:7-10.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Bring me to my knees, oh Lord.
These past two weeks have left me feeling more exhausted than refreshed, definitely in a challenging kind of way.
My thoughts:
- My papa was in charge of a National Recovery Conference at The Grove and I got to be the photographer. The whole week before I was blessed enough to help with organizing some of it. I was so impressed with the amount of speakers and passion these men and women had for the broken, the divorced, ones who have lost and are grieving. I left after the second day telling myself I have to both: work with broken, torn down people. and just PEOPLE in general. I can not describe how intrigued I am by people, all of our quirks and imperfections make me fall more and more in love with Christ because HE has created us this way. It truly is beautiful.
I got to go to a class called "Finding and Maintaining YOUR life balance". Balance, a holistic view on life is everything I have tried to be in the past year. In 2008 I wrote down a list of goals for myself to do. Everything from planting my own vegetable and rose garden (checked that baby off the list last summer!), to learning how to paint, riding a bike successfully and being more disciplined. Although I didn't get to check off all twenty one I had for myself, I learned that having balance in my life makes me feel good about myself. It adds a sense of stability, comfort and confidence in knowing how to do different things. The speaker gave us this sheet with everything WE would like to be balanced in. Everyone had different areas that they wanted to achieve in, but in the middle of it was "JESUS". WHY? because, Jesus needs to be the middle, the core of every single thing you are doing. When I was planting my zucchini and tomatoes I was doing it with zeal! My blue post-it notes often control a typical day of mine, but if I haven't had my quiet time for the day my day will go absolutely NO where.
^
So with all of my thoughts I had in this class you would think those next couple of days I would be completely holistic, a little circle of balance. but it was the exact opposite, I was almost rebelling against everything I was taught. Not only was I not discliplined but I wasn't giving the Lord any of my time. I ended up breaking down by Friday, feeling empty and frustrated in myself. I sat in the park for two hours, completely humbled and then I realized that the Lord was teaching me how DESPERATELY I need him!!! How I literally can not function, go through a day intentional, mindful or full of hope without my time given to him first.
"Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your good spirit lead me to level ground." Psalm 143:10
With this also being said, I realized how many distractions are being thrown at us. How we are so easily swayed to the left and to the right. If we take our eyes off the Lord for even a short time, we are bound to not fully be producing our fruits.
This past week I started my new job and I am pressed for time in everything I need to do. It's another thing I am trying to balance, and it leaves me feeling a tad distressed and exhausted. but then once again I am being reminded: Am I giving the Lord my first fruits? Am I listening to him and being still? In constant prayer, dedication and admiration of all he does???
I leave you with a passage I wrote in my journal yesterday morning:
"Am I living my purpose, oh Lord? How am I living for you when I'm not communicating with you fully?"
My thoughts:
- My papa was in charge of a National Recovery Conference at The Grove and I got to be the photographer. The whole week before I was blessed enough to help with organizing some of it. I was so impressed with the amount of speakers and passion these men and women had for the broken, the divorced, ones who have lost and are grieving. I left after the second day telling myself I have to both: work with broken, torn down people. and just PEOPLE in general. I can not describe how intrigued I am by people, all of our quirks and imperfections make me fall more and more in love with Christ because HE has created us this way. It truly is beautiful.
I got to go to a class called "Finding and Maintaining YOUR life balance". Balance, a holistic view on life is everything I have tried to be in the past year. In 2008 I wrote down a list of goals for myself to do. Everything from planting my own vegetable and rose garden (checked that baby off the list last summer!), to learning how to paint, riding a bike successfully and being more disciplined. Although I didn't get to check off all twenty one I had for myself, I learned that having balance in my life makes me feel good about myself. It adds a sense of stability, comfort and confidence in knowing how to do different things. The speaker gave us this sheet with everything WE would like to be balanced in. Everyone had different areas that they wanted to achieve in, but in the middle of it was "JESUS". WHY? because, Jesus needs to be the middle, the core of every single thing you are doing. When I was planting my zucchini and tomatoes I was doing it with zeal! My blue post-it notes often control a typical day of mine, but if I haven't had my quiet time for the day my day will go absolutely NO where.
^
So with all of my thoughts I had in this class you would think those next couple of days I would be completely holistic, a little circle of balance. but it was the exact opposite, I was almost rebelling against everything I was taught. Not only was I not discliplined but I wasn't giving the Lord any of my time. I ended up breaking down by Friday, feeling empty and frustrated in myself. I sat in the park for two hours, completely humbled and then I realized that the Lord was teaching me how DESPERATELY I need him!!! How I literally can not function, go through a day intentional, mindful or full of hope without my time given to him first.
"Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your good spirit lead me to level ground." Psalm 143:10
With this also being said, I realized how many distractions are being thrown at us. How we are so easily swayed to the left and to the right. If we take our eyes off the Lord for even a short time, we are bound to not fully be producing our fruits.
This past week I started my new job and I am pressed for time in everything I need to do. It's another thing I am trying to balance, and it leaves me feeling a tad distressed and exhausted. but then once again I am being reminded: Am I giving the Lord my first fruits? Am I listening to him and being still? In constant prayer, dedication and admiration of all he does???
I leave you with a passage I wrote in my journal yesterday morning:
"Am I living my purpose, oh Lord? How am I living for you when I'm not communicating with you fully?"
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