Steadfast.

The week after I got back from my trip to Uganda, Africa we had a guest speaker at my church, The Grove. Dr. David Thompson. He grew up as a missionary kid in the Philippines, when college started he left his parents on the mission field and came back to America. One evening he received one of the worst phone calls any person could ever receive. His parents were both killed as martyrs. He told the story that he got unto the ground in complete despair and confusion. His parents had been serving the Lord on the mission field almost their entire lives and were killed in the area they most loved. In tears, Dr. Dave continued saying how there were only two options in his life to do that night: forget God, or trust God.

As I heard this message the two people I care most about were seated next to me. My mama and papa. We sat there in utter sadness. What if that was to happen to me? Why does God allow this to happen? But most of ALL, would I personally be able to trust God if a similar situation happened to me?

My entire life I have been fortunate enough to never loose someone extremely close to me. I have been fortunate to live in an area with clean water and educated doctors on hand. I have been fortunate enough to have a place to worship, lay my head down to sleep at night, and always a full belly. What about the rest of the world? Those who literally pray for there next meal to come, for rain to give there crops water to grow and people to bring bibles. Why have I been so blessed?

- - - Now typically I would think on these things for extremely long time, dwelling over the fact that I am ever so blessed and almost feeling guilty the Lord has given me so much. After a few moments of contemplating all of this, all I could do was praise God. Literally PRAISE HIM. Because I am so incredibly fortunate that I have been so blessed I just WANT to bless others. In all that I do. Whether that be getting to counselor others one day, serving in a different country or at The Grove needs are everywhere and constantly being revealed to me in very unique situations.

As Dr. Dave continued on his sermon, he asked us a very simple question.

“What are some of the most important treasures in your life?”

Now, imagine one day these people, these things, these situations were no longer there. Death occurred, a massive fire, you were fired . . . the list goes on and on. But simply stated, “Do you trust God?”

I then thought to myself: Do I trust God? Do I trust God with my relationship with Kev? Do I trust God with my money? Do I trust God with my future job and living location? Do I trust God to do bigger things in my life than I ever imagined? Do I trust God that he will place people in my life to encourage and be encouraged by?

DO I TRUST GOD?

Most days I would say yes, those are the days the sun is shining through the thick marshmallow like clouds and the grass is ever so green. But, would I trust God if destruction were to come upon the airport I am currently sitting in?

Trust is a funny word. I always think about that game I use to play at church when I was younger. Someone would go behind me; I would shut my eyes and fall into there arms. Total complete TRUST. If the person behind me had not earned my trust, or had been not been consistent, there is NO chance I would allow them to touch me- let alone, catch me. When I think about the times in my life when I was falling back, unto the unknown, feeling alone, overly dramatic, insecure and in envy the only ultimate person to catch me was God. He was steadfast, he was consistent, and he was love. I know you are thinking, “Wow, can Allison be anymore cliché?” Perhaps I am but in reality and in my heart I know that without a doubt this is true.

The other night I was in my room packing for my lovely trip to the south I am venturing on as I write. I was going through an old box of my journals. I found twelve since I was in seventh grade. Now, anyone who truly knows me knows I LOVE to journal. I wrote a list of things that make me Happiest the other day and Journaling to the Lord was Number 4. Everything about it is freeing to me. I can fully express myself, misspell, give my deepest prayers to the Lord and then four years later go back and see how silly I was and how if only I had just trusted the Lord with that, or understood why that was happening at the time.

On, December 26, 2007 I wrote:

I just don’t understand God. I have a boyfriend. I have best friends. I am trying, but I’m just not happy. Why can’t I give you all of me? What is holding me back? Why do I feel dissatisfied? What is missing?? . . .

As I reflect on this journal I wrote almost three years ago, I look to how distrusting I was. I said I was “living for God” BUT my main purpose in life was not to glorify God to the highest extent. It was not to proclaim his name across all names. My main purpose in life was to satisfy my needs, my wants, and my problems. Which brings me to the point that as believers we were not designed for God to make us 100% happy, or to fulfill our innermost desires. But rather to make his name above all else. This is our purpose, our will in life.

I have been praying over the issues in my life I haven’t been the most trusting over, which most likely leads to worry. I worry when I am not trusting, because well, I don’t believe it will happen. I doubt God. I doubt the King of the Universe, the one who created every nation, every tongue. If I am distrusting to the one who created the heavens and the earth, then whom in the world can I even trust?

Dr. David Thompson ended his message with the closing story to his parents death, the people they had been trying to lead to Christ for the past six years previous to there death saw how they died for God. And they in return accepted Christ into their lives as their personal savior. The night Dr. Dave placed all trust in God, lead him to a place of saying he not only believed God but now actually TRUSTED in God. And he never looked back.

He left us with a closing statement:

“We will not be able to do any of this until we learn to love God more than we love ourselves.”

From the South, Amen Bo!