In just four days I will officially be down with my first year of college.
The first day going into CBU I truly had no idea what to expect. I did expect to make friends quickly, to be in some sort of club or flag football team, to be a Junior High leader at The Grove, try harder then I ever have in school and just "be different"
little did I know . . .
The first day going to CBU I cried. I was terrified, I was lonely, frustrated that I had not met anyone in the first month. By the end of each day in September I wondered if I was ever going to meet a solid friend who could encourage me in the way I needed. BUT my favorite part about the first three months of school was the fact that I truly had to depend on Christ, alone. I am so thankful for my Monday-Wednesday-Friday 9am open spot where I could go to the rose garden and lay my heart in front of the Lord. I was taken to a place of loneliness but was filled in the Spirit. I was given hope and joy. It is there that I started reading Proverbs each and everyday.
and I have never been so blessed.
The first day going to CBU I cried. I was terrified, I was lonely, frustrated that I had not met anyone in the first month. By the end of each day in September I wondered if I was ever going to meet a solid friend who could encourage me in the way I needed. BUT my favorite part about the first three months of school was the fact that I truly had to depend on Christ, alone. I am so thankful for my Monday-Wednesday-Friday 9am open spot where I could go to the rose garden and lay my heart in front of the Lord. I was taken to a place of loneliness but was filled in the Spirit. I was given hope and joy. It is there that I started reading Proverbs each and everyday.
and I have never been so blessed.
Over the course of these past eight months I have learned more than I would have ever imagined. A few nights ago Bethany Tucker, Morgan Mentzer and myself went to the lovely 24hr Starbucks and just discussed. Each one of us in a different place in our lives but still so captivated by God. This past year has brought upon sad days, pure joy, laughter, tear fest's, temptations and sins we have made BUT we stopped and realized that through it all we have grown in Christ, striving to be more and more like him.
Here is a list of things I have learned these past eight months. Each one was a huge humbling experience or slap in the face, but I was and am being refined by The Lord through each and every one of them.
--- The biggest thing I have learned this year is how satan is in absolutely everything. He is trying to trap each one of us in all areas of life. He knows US. He knows our temptations, insecurities, frustrations and anger and because of this he is trying to pull us down telling us we are not good enough, our mistakes our too terrible and we have no self worth. BUT we must remember we have hope! The past few weeks a few friends of mine and myself have been reading "Romans 6, 7 and 8" Everything about these chapters are beautiful.
"For we know that our old self was crucified with him, so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin- because anyone who has died has been freed from sin" Romans 6:6
"You have been set free from sin and become slaves to righteousness." Romans 6: 18
AND WE HAVE HOPE!
"In the same way, the spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." Romans 8:26.
Seriously though, we can no longer be ashamed. If we have been saved by Christ we are washed clean, renewed and called into the Kingdom of God. He has died for all of US, sinners alike.
---How much of myself do I give people? - This has been a big question I have been asking myself lately. I tend to tell people a lot . . . I am extremely open but with that I tend to tell people too much. Now, don't get me wrong I will ALWAYS be open and honest, but who do I tell the most to? I definitely think there are things in your heart that you should only leave to God knowing. It's not as though you are hiding things from others, but the Lord deserves to know the innermost parts of your soul. Not your three b f f 's. I think this is also following with the concept that I am trying to have more:
"Quality rather than Quantity"
Because seriously, God has been so gracious blessing me with amazing friends. Although I may not have seen this the first few months of school I could not ask for better Sisters in Christ. But I cannot give myself to twenty girls, this is why I am trying to pour my life into a few. We can challenge one another by trusting, loving and being honest with each other without getting overwhelmed with the Quantity of everyone.
--- Jealousy. I am embarrassed to even write this one, but this is a real issue I have struggled with. I hate to even admit it because I should not covet someone else or something they possess. I must realized God has given me strengths and weaknesses, just the same as everyone else, but I cannot be envious of someone else. It is pity and consuming.
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each one of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:3-4
^ This is so powerful! In everything we do we must put our love for Christ first and our love for others second.
There are a lot of other things I have learned- some not to shared with but only for the Lord, but most of all I have learned that the one thing we all desire most in life is Unfailing Love.
"What a man desires is unfailing love" Proverbs 19:22.
Plain and simple. This is it. And this is GOD! He is life, full satisfaction, UNFAILING LOVE. If we know this, if we say we are living by the Spirit how could we ever forget this?
I am praying for everything this summer may hold.
Uganda ( One week from Monday!!!!)
Junior High Activities (our new Jr Hi pastor!)
Working at Cal Baptist
Time with my parents and pouring myself into friendships
Missing my lovely friends at Cal Baptist and Kevin.
But through it all, I HAVE UNFAILING LOVE. and you know what? This is sufficient and something to be praised.
